twinkle twinkle leetle shtar

ow i under wunder what you ar

up above the

world so igh

like a dia mond in the sky

twikle twinkle leetle shtar

ow i wonder what you are

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will only have one true love. You’re a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn’t? You expect a lot from your lover – you want the full package. You tend to be very picky. In fights, you love to debate and defend yourself. You logic prevails – or at least you’d like to think so. Break-ups can be painful for you, but you never show it. You hold your head high.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

i know i dont write much these days, i simply never get the time, and if i get the time i wont be in the mood to write.
this place sucks.i wanna go home.
but ofcourse i cant.
i am not sure if this is fredom.
evry single class they take the attendance,and if youre not there you will have to go and meet the teachers and stuff.so i dont even bunk.
i wanna go home!!!!!!

.

sometimes you feel alone.even though you are in a crowd.
sometimes you cry inside,though you may be laughing.
sometimes you love,yet you pretend to hate.
sometimes you look,yet pretend not to see.
sometimes you get hurt, and pretend it was nothing.
sometimes you dream and lose out on the real world.
and sometimes when it comes true,you dont  realize it.
its weird but i am pretty much the only single person in
my hostel room.and they all have been non- singles very recently.
only after joining the college.and i am very much single.
it really aint a complaint.ofcourse i would like to be with
someone but its not a necessity.iwould be happy,but how
much more,that is a doubtful question indeed.

now the reason i brought it up.i have no one to go with in the
morning.i dont like to walk alone.espeacially in the morning.
now technically i dont walk alone,i walk with a pair of lovebirds
clinging to each others arm.coochi cooing.they can do it,but why on the
road?? why???
yes,yes.i understand its their life.they may do as they please.
but these days, she is completely lost.like as in she is on the
phone 24/7.talking or messaging him.
let her.her life.
but for godness lord sake atleast remember the lesser mortals like us.
give us a smile once in a while.atleast pretend to listen to what we say.
pick up your clothes from the terrace even f you dont have the time to
pick up mine.phone me and tell me if youre gonna be late.then i can move your
plate, cuase otherwise it will be me who cleans it in the end.
so that the sister does not scream at me for you coming late.
i dont relish people scolding me for things
i am least responsisble for things i know the least of,or know of.
and do open your mouth once in a while.people do other things with their mouth.like talking.
open your eyes and look.not only in the mirror but at others.
last of all rmember i am not your mother.

i know i am pissed.she is a really funny person, and as long she is not her alter ego
of her lover self she is a real fun person.but oh my god ,i am really mad at her right now.
i sit wth her in college,yet we dont talk.i live with her in the same room and yet we dont
talk.i am with her atleast 18 hrs of the 24 hours, yet we dont talk.
she will be way too busy messaging and phoning.
i know its her life,its just that i dont know what is happening in her life anymore.
now she is most of the time with him and his freinds.
allright again.
but goodness lord.acknoledge me once in a while.

a poem

beautiful things..
like a fresh flower
rightly bloomed
blushing red

beatful things..
a heart so open
a heart so free

beautful things
living for someone
death for him
body and soul too

a smile
rightly bestowed
a glance
in the right direction

a kiss
a flyway kiss
so feeble
to be hardly felt
yet so  strong

love
incomplete
unfinished
without a beginning,.
nor an end.
yet immortal
(needed input, provided by sama the great!)

lotsa random stuff.

today in add english we had a chapter called the new dress by virginia woolf.
a rather confusing story,i dint get much of it in the first reading.
but the point i am trying to make is that i really liked her style
of writing.its apparently caled the stream of connsiousness.
i am sure that i can write that way too, not too definite but more or less like it.
and i know the more i write, the more better i will get.
or atleast i am supposed to.
sometimes i dont understand waht i am doing studying bbm.
i am not really cur out for being a manager.what i would have loved to do
is study litreture, evollution of languages…
or if i should be doing management i shouls have done BHm.is about food,
i could have actually become a chef.the thought is so very appealing, a proffestional chef!!
i could cook to my hearts content and get paid for it!!!
i could invent new foods, mix and match stuff!!!!!!!
te thought s so very appelaing.
now i know what i am gonna do if i am not gona become a world famous writer..
(what i write here has in nothing in common with my short tories or novels )
i will set up a chain of restaurants, where there shall be an exclusive mix and match section.
and it shall be welcoming if not luxurious, i am not looking at the cream of the community,
i am looking at peple who like to eat, a lot, at cheap and affordable rates, and who also
dabble in cooking , who love the smell fo cooking.
there shall ofcourse be a menu for the people who just like to eat, and the customer dishes
shall also be added to the menu.
there shal be competitions to promote this.
it shall be a food paradise.
the kitchen hands will be there, but mainly the customers get to cook.if they want to.
there shalll be obviously seperate kitchens.all the ingredents shall be provided.

i guess that is my vision statement.
my mission statement aint ready yet.

another to the list.

i dont know why, always always, my heart breaks.
its not so bad off as with luke,i was faintly intrested in this guy,
and he likes my freind in all probablity.sounds so old, and tried and tested.
and i,i go do the same thing.i mean,. this girl has a boy friend.
but still, and another boy is behind her.
but still.
i know he knows that she loves her bf very much,but still.
sometimes i wonder if he does this merely to spite me.
but then, why????
why should he.
i get so jealous when i see him looking at her, i run away.
but what can i do??
i go ‘DUMB” when i talk to him.
i blbber crap.
and when he came to introduce himself to me, that too was unexpected,
cause i had seen him during the interviews and was praying to god that
he would be in, and he was in, and he came and met the 2nd day.
i was sooooooooooo happy.

he walked me home back. and i was sooooooooo happy.
probably i bored him silly.
but he was like, you know her,she is in your class? and i was like, yeah,
i sitr next to her.he was like, oh!!!
they had studied together,probably has a crush on her for ages.
who knows.
so me the bitch wanted to hate her, so that i wouldnt feel bad about it.
but she is really nice.
and pretty.
i stand no chance.
i mean, he is probabaly crazy about her.
i know i shouldnt care a f**k abt it, and i have decided i wont.
so i am simply not going to.

wrong time wrong place wrong thing to say

well, i oughtnt complain, and i should write more in the the other blog than here, but i am not in such a condition so as to write there.i am bemaonaing my loss.one wonders about life sometimes,i seem to have changed in a very drastic way.i am so serious these days it scares me.i am actually responsible, as in more than the others i know.its strange.i always thought i was irresponsible.and i am begining to have a penchant for saying the wrong things at the wrong time, or rather, this penchant of mine seems to have achieved new heights.yesterday, my add eng sir, who is the only bachelor who is teaching us, (just for the record) i dont like.well, he was just being polite, and was asking stuff like where did i do my studies, where am i from etc.thats ok.but it was kinda weird.and do understand i pardon most types of weird, just some i cannot.becuase even i begin to feel they are more weird than  necesarry.but anyway, some crap we went away, so i was so buigged with the sir that i said, i dont like that*sir name*.and LA! i looked back, and there he was marching behind me.i am sooooooooooooooooo failing in add english.

bemoaning of loss.

banglore is a fine city.
not too , you know scary,(hehe) as i assumed.
i been here for one month now, not that it feels that way.
time simply flew.

i been thinking,i mean some trusted guy friends have told
me i am not globalised enough. meaning i give off the impression
to guys that i am closed, not available, run away from me,dont
mess with me etc.
ie, i look scary.
so yesterday i went and inspected myself in the mirror,the tiny
little square it is.
i am not gorgeous, but hey, i am NOT scary.
i am not ugly.
then i realized, i find it difficult to flirt with evryone.
if i like a guy, depending on the level of ‘liking’i will either
be really freindly , or will clam up.
in this whole college, in this whole month, i just found one guy
attractive.and well, from what i know he likes my freind.
she is a tiny pretty thing with a voice like that of a silver bell.
(metaphors people!)
and i,i am tall, definetly not pretty(espeacially more so here in bnglore,
where 3/5 girls are gorgeous), and my voice does not by any means resemble
a silver bell tinkling.
i really cant figure out what is wrong with me, but then even though i
choose to beleve i am ok, i am beginning to realize there has to be some
mistake with me.simply put i am not attractive.
i feel rather miserable, but who do i tell i feel miserable??
my roomies??? my classmates???
why?? how??
i dont know them, not enough to dump my insecurities on them.
and thats all i am these days.
worried if i look ok, if i talk fine, if i dress fine,what impression
i give to teachers , what impression i give to them guys, worried if nono
of my friends rememember me, worried if i will end up as a spinster, worried
if i am gonna die with only some mangy ctas arnd me.
i am, not having fun, definetly not.i am not having fun.
i am working and worrying, yeah thats my new philosophy.

i know i am moaning, and really not even attempting to have fun.
maube ia am just changing, who knows.i am might finally be getting serious.
amd studious,the way my parents wanted me to be,.maybe.
so tahts not really such a bad thing is it??
hmm.

hmmm

i know i dont write much these days, i simply get no time even if i am living half the
time in anonymous internet cafes.
to answer peoples questions, banglore is treating me pretty ok.
the one speaciality about the cafes is this,,,, most of the keyboards are faulty.
all those keys which are used frequently have no letters on them.
its a good thing i used to type so much, because otherwise i wouldnt have been able
to do anywork.
and work.
thats another story alltogether, work is all i do.i have a feeling i am probably going
to end up as a workaholic.
and i do worry if i am going to remain the shilpa that i was.in a way i want to change,
but in another i want to hold onto the little parts of me that i have got from home.
the parts that make me , me.
but i do get influenced, and i dont really want to be.
i made freinds, but not close friends, you invariably become freinds with your room mates
but , then sometimes its difficult for me to stay queit when i dont approve.
but needless to say that is what i must say.
i am quite stressed out, also i have no idea whom i can open up to.
the money is running out of my hand like water,and i cant even stop it.
it aint so bad really, it might appear so, but naah.
not so bad,
i am  pretty sure i will be back to my normal self soon.